I've been trying so hard to be included into different entities surrounding our post. I think I finally succeeding in doing so, but at a huge cost.
I'm realizing that with every club, school function, and work related affiliation, I'm loosing myself.
My husband has been gone for the past two weeks. He left me behind with two children, an extremely messy house, my parents on their way and a feeling of unending doom on the horizon. I know...really overly dramatic right? Bare with me! I also have my monthly visitor at the moment! hehe
So off he went on his training mission. Meantime, the parents get here and we are ok, doing our thing. Gabby's birthday was last week, he missed that! And then the parents left one week in. Again, messy house, kids on my own (who are now sick!) and he's out doing his thing.
This one week, he's coming home for FIVE DAYS!!! 5...count them...Then he's off again for another 3 weeks of training! He arrives today.
In this one week I have to work for 4 days this week, I have a Mary Kay meeting on Monday night, and ESC meeting Tuesday night, I'm supposed to have Choir on Wednesday, but that's not going to happen, it's the one expendable thing this week...not to mention I'm supposed to be choreographing the school musical Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday...so basically, I have Friday night too myself! That's it!
In the meantime, I'm realizing that I'm being talked about behind my back at the ESC...ooohhh I missed ONE meeting! Wow...I'm a horrible person! I haven't even started learning the choreography for Tuesday, AND the one thing I really wish I could do is CHOIR! ha!
So I'm trying to figure out a way to get what I want. Oh yeah...let's not forget the fact that I'm able to work 25 hours a week, and I've only been getting MAYBE 12! So, I'm thinking, especially after only recieving a $90 paycheck this past week, that I may be quitting this job. The thing about that is, I really LIKE this job. I just have a WHOLE lot on my plate and all I'm doing is paying for child care...in all honesty!
So I'm thinking I should back out of ESC. This would honestly save me alot of issues and drama! I'm thinking I'm also going to back out of my job. I will actually give them two weeks notice, with the intent of coming back in the fall. I just have way too many plans right now!
I need to have a piece of mind. I need to work on me. I would like my days to flow. I would like to get up every day and take Gabby to school, then head off to the gym or the track...I need to get back into exercising! Then I'd like to clean my house. Then I'd like to spend time working my new Mary Kay business. Pick Gabby up from school, help her do her homework, and then just relax. Monday nights do the whole Mary Kay meeting thing, and Wednesdays do choir. Ahhh....that would be ideal.
I wonder if it would work?
I don't know how I ever survived in school. I used to be able to MASTER the unbelievable schedule! It's probably the fact that I'm not only focused on ME anymore...i'm a Mom, I have to be focused on Them...Me time comes at a cost...One that has been WAY to expensive lately.
In a few words, I'm stressed and depressed. I need ME time.