Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I've finally come to the realization that I'm depressed. It took me several weeks, but the overall stress and anxiety that I've been feeling, coupled with incessant crying fits was a huge clue! hehe.

I've been in this place before. It's not pleasant, it's not pretty. It's dark and gloomy...hmmm...pretty much just like this northwest territory I live in! ha!
It's hard for me to live in this place. It's harder for my family to deal with me when I'm in this place! So because of that, I scampered off to the docs to get help. The last thing we all need is for me to be off balance with an approaching deployment!

I'm starting to feel better. I'm getting used to the meds, and well, to be honest, I hate taking any type of medication, but I REALLY hate having to take medication for depression. It makes me feel weak. More so, it makes me feel mental. I know I'm not, but still.

Along with the realization that I'm depressed, I've also figured out that I've just taken on way too much. This adds to my stress. I'm needing to cut back, but am finding it hard to let go of things. I like being involved, because it makes me feel needed. But when I'm needed, and I have work to do for those entities, I feel it's a nasty little circle that I'm in.

Hubby is making me (not really putting a gun to my head, but for my sake and sanity) take a breather from Mary Kay. My biz really hasn't gotten into full swing yet anyway, and for now, I just can't commit to it! So I'm taking a step back from it. I'm also going to drop out of the Enlisted Spouses club. This one is the harder one for me. I'm on the executive board, so I'm WAY needed. And so it's hard for me to admit to them that I'm having issues, and to resign from my post. But I'm not having fun there anymore. Every meeting that I've been to since the beginning of January has been extremely stressful. With all that's going on in my life, I cannot deal with anymore drama, especially other people's drama! I feel bad though because I like the girls that I deal with there. I've gotten a little closer to them, even though they truly don't know me.

What I realize the most, is that I need "ME" time. I need to set aside time for me every day. I'm failing at that. I have soo much going on, so much is beyond my control, that I cannot take "me" time right now.

ahh well, I think I might start writing more. Maybe it will help? Since going back to work, and getting involved I've let alot of the things that I did to keep myself sane go. Maybe I need to find the time to pick them back up again?

I gotta go get Gabby from school...I should start calling her Gappy...she lost her first two teeth! The first was lost one week after her 6th birthday, and the second was lost this past Sunday. Ahhh mile markers!

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